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Week one done (bigbluetest)!

Week one done (bigbluetest)!

If we are fighting diabetes then consistent exercise (combined with a reasonably healthy diet) is how we punch our adversary in the throat. That is the gem of wisdom that I have distilled from this first week of testing, getting active and testing again-every day for at least 15 minutes. It’s simple. It’s not always easy or convenient but it’s about getting back to basics.

Its no secret that the last several months have been challenging for me diabetes wise-which of course trickles down to every other aspect of life. The BigBlueTest has given me an opportunity to really get back on my feet in this fight and build momentum. So far this week I haven’t been scaling rock faces (for the most part; I did deviate once and wind up the side of a cliff). Most of my BigBlueTests have been really mundane things like…walking. Taking some time to push away from the computer and put one foot in front of the other.
Just walking...nothing fancy.

Just walking…nothing fancy.

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Im also at the end of my lease here at my apartment, so that means I have to find somewhere else to live. It’s stressful, but there is some benefit in the exercise. I place a lot of value in spectacular places and experiences, but ultimately one has to be willing to take the small steps that get you from one place to the next. Everything happens in stages, in cycles. Rising and falling. Some days are harder than others and that is ok-its part of the process. The BigBlueTest has given me an opportunity to get back up and start riding the next wave, filled with limitless potential.

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The weather here bas been magnificent and it’s a struggle to tear myself away from planning the “next big project”. I keep looking at these amazing objectives…big walls, boulders, overhanging limestone…it all speaks to me. At the end of the day I can’t get there by sitting here and talking. Doing is always more effective than talking-and just doing a little is where all the big things start.

Rob, helping me search for good ideas, somewhere in the abyss...

Rob, helping me search for good ideas, somewhere in the abyss…

Where will these small steps take us? No way to know without just getting out there and trying. Fifteen minutes a day isn’t a lot but it’s a start. I’d love for you to join me-three weeks left to do the test and log it at www.bigbluetest.org. What you do matters-and you have the chance to share it and help others!

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Big Blue Test

Big Blue Test

Big-Blue-Test-2012

 

LivingVertical has partnered with the Diabetes Hands Foundation to promote the Big Blue Test-this is an awesome initiative that empowers people with diabetes through exercise-of any kind, combined with targeted blood glucose measurement. Your participation will help YOU (and others when you share and promote the Big Blue Test) AND will generate a $5.00 donation to life saving diabetes charities for every entry logged!

What’s not to love about this? You don’t even have to have diabetes to participate-see the photo above!

Speaking personally, the idea of empowering people with diabetes through exercise is what prompted me to live out of my car and establish LivingVertical through Project365. Recently, I have been in need of motivation to get back into a training cycle and take better control of my blood sugar (climbing mountains doesn’t mean I don’t have slumps!) and the Big Blue Test is just what I need to get back on the horse-and to step my game up a little bit!

There is a lot more to adventure and climbing than what people label as “extreme” and over this next month, I am going to be showing how taking your diabetes on an adventure is something that anyone can do-through videos, photos and blogs! That is how I am going to be doing my Big Blue Tests-with simple, functional fitness. Please join me in taking steps to change lives through participating in this initiative-every day from now until November 14th, World Diabetes Day!

Of course, you know that I can’t simply swear off my rope and rack for a whole month-so I am planning a special World Diabetes Day climb for the culmination of the Big Blue Test-it’s going to be something special! Diabetes is what we make of it. Let’s take advantage of this opportunity to make our world better for living powerfully with this condition, one step at a time.

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For Day 1 of the Big Blue Test, I took my Diabetes up to the summit of Angels Landing in Zion National Park. No ropes, no harnesses, no technical climbing. Just putting one foot in front of the other. Join us!

 

Sometimes the hardest thing to be-is yourself.

Sometimes the hardest thing to be-is yourself.

It’s been about 24 hours since I returned from my most recent travels. Africa. Europe. Driving across the US. Lots of ups and downs both in terms of topography and diabetes. Going into this trip I felt like I had things pretty well sorted out in terms of my diabetes. Then, somehow my control started slipping and suddenly my sugar won’t come down despite repeated correction injections. Then, out of nowhere on some days, my sugar decides to plummet with barely any provocation.

It’s been 14 years-almost 15 now. Shouldn’t this be getting easier?
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Diabetes is a mental challenge with a physical manifestation. I don’t struggle with the physiology of diabetes. I struggle with the psychology of this condition. Yeah, I climb mountains for fun and I like steep places. I know that diabetes doesn’t have to stop me from anything I want to achieve. I also know that since I am in control, my ability to flip that switch on and accomplish seemingly significant feats is only a hairs-breadth away from a complete lack of desire to try and the utter acceptance of defeat-and when I fall into that rut, I can really wind up taking a beating-even in spite of the massive outpourings of love and support that have come in the last week or so-depression isn’t rational-it doesn’t need a reason to kick you in the shorts.

It’s a fine line to walk. I use diabetes as my motivation but some days, I just don’t want to play this game anymore. Today I wallowed in absolute despair as my blood sugar skyrocketed to 295 as I sat at the computer, trying to cobble together a workable climbing project for 2014 that will leave room for training and the Project365 film tour this fall/winter. Suddenly I just felt like I wanted to start updating my resume and cash in my chips. The documentary is finished, or just about. We have that paid for and that means we finished what we set out to do, right?

It’s really hard to be yourself sometimes. Maybe I lost myself in Project365 and I don’t know how to function with bigger projects and the knowledge that people are watching. Maybe caring too much about succeeding is the problem. Or maybe, I have been too focused on what I “should” be doing and what people expect of me. Maybe it’s time to just get back to basics. It may be a little self indulgent but I feel like I have slipped away from just being myself and really sharing my struggle through this blog. It’s become more business-like and “what’s new with LivingVertical” and while that’s all well and good, it’s not…me.

I finally stepped away from the computer this afternoon to go for a walk to check the mail and bring my blood sugar down. I managed to hate every square inch of the sidewalk between home and the post office and it made me realize that I am upset with myself and that it is my own complacency that has caused a lot of these issues. Once the project ended, it was easy to be lazy. I had earned that right…but once you fall into that routine, it gets harder to get back on the wagon.

So now, it’s back to square one. I get to go through the process of building myself back up and seeing how high I can reach. I know a lot of people see the summit photos and that’s their takeaway as to how I live my life with diabetes. For me, those summits are the bright light at the end of the tunnel that make it worthwhile for me to get out of bed and keep fighting what feels like an impossible battle.

It’s not easy to be yourself when you don’t know who to be or what you are. But I know that I usually wind up making sense of things when I fling myself out of the frying pan and into the fire. So…that is what I am going to do. I am not a businessperson, or a blogger or an artist or an advocate or a spokesperson. Im Steve. I have diabetes and I climb things. The rest is just details-so I have to get back to being me again, because none of this was supposed to be easy in the first place-it just has to be worthwhile.

In case you missed the Athletic Achievement Awards!

In case you missed the Athletic Achievement Awards!

This weekend, I was honored to be a finalist in the Insulindependence Athletic Achievement Award for 2013-I submitted a short video about Project365 along with 24 other amazing athletes with diabetes, many of whom I am proud to call personal friends. To be honest I was pretty surprised to make it that far in the first place-I know that climbing is exciting and novel in its own way, but so many of the folks who also entered are far beyond me in terms of athletics. To be honest I have never considered myself an athlete-just a diabetic with a climbing habit that has steered my life through the challenges of this chronic illness.

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I have to remember that last line, that’s going to be the epigram for my book when I write it…

As things turned out, my video was viewed almost 5,000 times thanks to YOU-who watched, shared, “liked”, tweeted, retweeted, blogged, reblogged, harassed, pestered and publicized. That was good enough to get me invited to San Diego to the final award ceremony and I felt very honored. The other two gentlemen that were finalists along with me have been good friends and super supportive of Project365 from the outset. Really wonderful people, sincere, with a heart for helping people with diabetes-the kind of people that I knew I’d be happy for if they won over me, the kind of people that I’d feel a little sheepish and humbled winning over them.

Going into the competition, I was committed to one thing: winning the award. During this weekend, prior to the presentation of the award, something changed in my mind. The appeal of the award paled in comparison to the magic that happens when you get a couple hundred passionate, incredibly talented and committed people together who are all in pursuit of the same goal. This creates competition-where people are vying for publicity and funding-basic needs that sustain our efforts-but competition-and staying “hungry” is important. It’s not a negative thing to say ‘hey, I want to win this’. It causes all of us to elevate our game and our minds. Moreover, it creates waves that reverberate outside of the diabetes community to indicate that there are enough of us out there who are getting after it to really create some competition-and that is a beautiful thing that none of us could do alone!

By this point you must have figured out that I didn’t win the competition. Honesty is an important (if not widely appreciated) quality-and so I’ve got to say, when it hit me that I would not be taking home the $5,000.00 that would help complete the documentary that I have poured my entire life into for 2 years, it felt like a failure. I failed. Why wasn’t I good enough to get more people to vote for me? I have always been my harshest critic and my reaction is always to initially take challenges and internalize them. Challenges like diabetes. Like falling off climbs.

Some people seem to think I’m a “professional diabetic” to borrow a phrase from Bill Carlson, or that diabetes isn’t a struggle for me because I climb “stuff”. Between the summits that I have shared through Project365 there have been valleys darker than a well-diggers colon-depression, despair, inadequacy, you name it-and it periodically crashes in on me. Writing this blog is one of the hardest ones I have ever had to do. I don’t like to admit that I don’t handle challenges well-frequently. I’d like to be seen as a class act that can accept failure with grace-but it’s a struggle for me and like it or not, that’s me and it’s out there.

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But that moment passed and I put on my big-boy pants and realized that this award was never mine to begin with and that I had not lost anything. I had fabricated a path in my mind and attached myself to an outcome rather than just being open. That was my only failure! This moment, this award, had belonged to someone else and that was our success together as a community.

Yesterday, I had some time to talk to Scott and as we shared stories and congratulated each other, I felt like a fool for even allowing myself to entertain the feeling of failure. This weekend was an opportunity for me to reset my perspective again, and I am very thankful that Scott is such a gracious guy-and I am truly excited for him to explore the horizons of his athletics-and hopefully to come climbing with me like we have been planning for a year!

So what’s next? Well, this isn’t really a setback for the Project365 documentary. I am more inspired than I have ever been and more motivated to complete what we all started together. We will take a different route to the summit-and it will be superb. I hope that you, my partners won’t sever the ropes that connect us, upon realizing that I have flaws that I have yet to master.

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Paradigm shift

Paradigm shift

I haven’t blogged in a while. Some of you may not have noticed, while still others may be thankful for a vacation from my self indulgent, esoteric ramblings. The reality is that I have been feeling very uninspired. This may sound like heresy coming from a person who voluntarily has very little on their resume besides “tries to inspire others”. I struggle with feelings of inadequacy and even guilt-how can I be trying to give others something that I don’t possess myself? Isn’t this hypocrisy?

Seeking some light in dark places with wonderful people, Lee and Alan.

Seeking some light in dark places with wonderful people, Lee and Alan.

I worry about continuing LivingVertical-every day is spent corresponding, reaching out for support, ordering merchandise, working on the documentary, trying to find investors for it, venues that want to screen it…my thought is only to the future which I can’t see-and it looks like all of the work and sacrifice that led me to this point has just been a false start, with no real “legs”.

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Reflections.

As I wallow in worry, frustration and self pity, I realize that in several days, the culmination of two years of blood, sweat and tears will be upon me and that I am at my lowest personal ebb over the last several years, and I have friends and supporters who see a much better person in me than I see when I look in the mirror, converging upon Springdale UT to see what I have been building. I don’t want to disappoint them-but I dig deep within myself and feel empty and hopeless.

This weekend is also the SweetestSummit Diabetes Family Adventure Weekend, my first opportunity to run a guided program for the diabetes community, in my own back yard, in the cliffs and canyons that inspired me to take on Project365. Families begin to arrive and I am sorting out logistics. Who is staying where, what time are we meeting in the morning, what gear do we need, is it ok to bring a DSLR camera out with us, what sort of snacks should we bring, how much water do we need…and on and on. I put out as many fires as I can and go to bed. Tomorrow is Day one of camp and I’ll need to maximize the 4 hours of sleep I can get between now and the alarm.

me and some of the girls, Kaia, Grace and Zoe.

me and some of the girls, Kaia, Grace and Zoe.

Day one goes well in that the kids all become instant friends and are obviously enjoying themselves and the climbing we are doing.

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I am trying to balance fun with technical instruction because we need the kids to be proficient in rappelling so that we can descend a technical slot canyon on the final day of camp. I am learning a great deal about how parents manage their kids diabetes-and I am wondering how I can step into this mix and offer a means to help the parents give more responsibility to their kids-and more freedom.

But what can I possibly have to say to these parents? I don’t have kids-let alone a child with diabetes. I don’t know what it’s like to fret and worry over someone else’s life as it develops around a complicated medical condition. Sure, I have diabetes, but that’s easy to deal with since it’s mine and no one else’s. It’s become second nature to me-but that won’t help anyone else but me.

Day two, we are hiking in the Narrows of the Virgin River in Zion. We are surrounded by looming and magnificent walls of the worlds largest slot canyon and the kids seem impervious to their surroundings-they are just being free, having fun, splashing around in the water without a care in the world.

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I stand back again, watching the parents taking ownership of their kids diabetes, reminding them to test, even testing for them. I want to say something, but I just don’t know what to say or how. Everyone is having a blast-why ruin it? Lets just have some fun and that’ll be that.

Day three, our final day together, I have collected my thoughts and I am ready to issue a challenge to the group. I have found the words and I know that after two days of growth together, we are at a good place to push the envelope. I have seen moments of brilliance and initiative from the kids and I want to find a way to help that grow. I need them to step up and do more for themselves:

We have all had a great deal of fun and enjoyed playing together and seeing some spectacular things that are unique in the natural world. But if we leave this camp with only “fun” to show for our time, then we have missed something really important. We are here to challenge ourselves and our notions of diabetes-and to really explore how it impacts our relationships. Parents: I want you to think about how you can step back and give your kids more freedom and responsibility in their management of diabetes. Kids, I want you to think about how you can take control of your own diabetes rather than relying on your parents.

I can’t tell if I have just ruined the weekend by issuing such a challenge or if I have actually succeeded. Time will tell, so we gather our gear and head out to the trailhead from which we will approach the canyon. As we arrive at the trailhead, I explain that my plan for the day is for our group to separate-Stefanie and I will take the kids via one route while Rob will take the parents via another one. We will meet up later in the day, I assure everyone. Parents look as though I have just given them the news of a sickly relative having just passed away. They knew I was going to ask this of them at some point and that time was now. I want to get moving before the parents change their mind or begin to worry, so I begin packing my gear.

As I am packing, one of the parents, Jason, the same T1 climber who I climbed with on the final day of Project365, takes me aside to speak about his daughter, Kaia, who also has T1. He expresses deep concern and discomfort with the idea of letting Kaia be responsible for her own management, even for several hours, given the fact that we are in a technical environment where a lapse in blood sugar management could have much higher consequences than a school day for example. Jason is an informed customer, with an understanding of the risk factors for diabetes and climbing and rappelling. Part of me feels like I should just say “Ok, fine, lets just put everyone together”.

I know that if I back down, we can still have a fun day out. But I want more than fun for these families. We must push beyond that point of pure fun if we want growth to happen. I weigh my options and I try to assuage Jason’s concerns, point by point. I am surprised that I have reasonable solutions for each point-and I am starting to think that maybe I have more to offer these kids than I had initially thought.

I am watching the struggle play out on Jason’s face as he talks to me. I know it’s not about me. I know he trusts me and thinks I’m competent-but that doesnt make it easier. The struggle is in the heart, not the mind. Letting go is war. In a split second, I see Jason’s demeanor change. He has chosen to step back and give Kaia an opportunity to take control-by relinquishing his own control. I want to start blubbing like a child and give Jason a hug because I just saw him take on a monumental challenge and vanquish it. I am so proud of him.

But I can’t celebrate yet. I have to make sure that I am on top of the kids safety and blood sugar management. We start off down the trail leaving the parents to go their own way. Stefanie and Nick come with us and the children lead us, exploring and planning how they will face the obstacles ahead.

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We stop and check BGs together. The kids share strategies for how they are managing their sugar. Their siblings are along with them and they are answering my questions too-I am beginning to see that there is SO MUCH depth in these kids. Kaia goes out of her way to reassure me that she knows what she is doing-and why-and lists anticipated problems and solutions as we are getting situated near our first rappel.

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As we begin the technical part of our day (ropes, carabiners, harnesses, cliffs etc) I ask Grace, the first camper to descend our first rappel to hook herself up. I don’t remind her of what she learned two days prior. I watch her struggle. I want to give her a chance to problem solve, not steal that victory from her by simply fixing the problem myself. She sorts out her setup like a champ and off she goes.

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In fact, every single one of the kids has their rappelling setups dialed. I don’t even have to remind ONE of them to lock a carabiner or anything, throughout the day.

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Towards the end of the day, when the parents met us at the exit of the canyon, I watch Kaia interacting with Jason. I am still on rappel and I look down at them as they stand together on the ground-Jason wants to help her bolus for her meal but she waves him off and assures him that she has it under control.

We head back to Springdale for the Project365 premier and I am no longer thinking about the edits I have to make before this rough cut can become the final cut. I am not thinking about the fact that I still have no backers to help fund the movie. I don’t care that we had to borrow the gear to make this camp happen or that my apartment is filling up with boxes because I have no place to store the camp gear other than my sofa. I am not worried about whether or not people will like the movie when we show it-I am not concerned about having money to pay rent in the next several months.

Everything in my world changed. I saw the most amazing things happen-people with diabetes finding incredible strength and self reliance in themselves at 8 years old, in high risk environments-being responsible and managing risk and not being limited by diabetes. I saw the parents push themselves in huge ways as they chose to step back and trust us-and their kids.

When we got back to town, the premier was an absolute riot-we packed out Deep Creek Coffee with more people than the owners, Scott and Heidi had seen there previously. Everyone who spoke to me said they loved the movie-many asked then and there to buy a copy. No one seemed to notice that it was just a rough cut. People were really excited and inspired.

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I began to realize that I found my way to this point by following my heart, not by trying to make money. If the companies want to support the movie, then great. If they don’t then I’m not going to worry about that. I know that the message is there-and that the message of changing lives and empowering people with diabetes is the most important thing in my life. I am proud to be scrappy and hungry-and as we reflected on the weekend with our friends Lee and Alan (my former clients when I used to guide for Zion Adventure Company who traveled to Utah from Scotland to be part of the camp weekend and the film premier) it felt amazing to know that this moment was OURS. We did this on our own with grassroots support from people who care-not because we have a big budget. It was pure, it was beautiful and lives were changed-at least one, speaking for myself.

I am infinitely grateful for the support of Stefanie, Nick and Rob who were amazing guides, facilitators and photographers-they gave their time freely, and applied their expertise gladly. Special thanks to Deep Creek Coffee who fed us and hosted the premier-wonderfully, I might add. Zion Adventure Co helped us in many ways in terms of coordinating logistics and gear-specifically Bill “Sweet William” Dunn and Shelley Buckingham who went above and beyond to make sure we had the tools needed to be safe and have fun. Imlay Canyon Gear donated a lot of gear to us that made our adventures possible and that will continue to facilitate future adventures.

To all the parents who came out-thank you-there is no greater gift or compliment than trusting your children to us as guides in technical environments. We are in your debt. To all the friends who came out to see the film and support our work, we thank you and we love you.

Nothing to see here folks, move along!

Nothing to see here folks, move along!

I have a lot going on over the next several weeks, so I want to make sure everyone is in the loop. I am heading to California for some training in sub 100 degree weather for the next week-Kilimanjaro is about 2 months away and I want to be ready!

Meanwhile, we are going to be launching a whole new website (quite beautiful!) thanks to MesaMedia.co and once that goes live you will be able to see the new Project 365 trailer I have been working on. And speaking of the Project365 film, I finished the rough cut and have been screening it with select critics and so far much of the feedback has been very positive-based on that, I am confident in inviting you to Springdale UT on July 28th for our screening of this rough cut at Deep Creek Coffee!

We are going have giveaways, prizes (possibly a raffle or three) and t-shirts and hats for sale. Also…there will be great food and you will get to be among the first to see the Project365 film!

Following this showing of the rough cut at Deep Creek, the video won’t be seen until the final cut is finished and we begin presenting it around North America during the fall tour! So if you have a venue near you that might be interested in hosting a viewing of our film, drop us a note! Following the tour (fall/winter 2013/14) the film will be available to stream (or download for a fee) right here!

Meanwhile, we have new projects to unveil, an online store coming soon where you can buy photo prints and other merchandise, and I will be attempting to summit the highest mountain on the African continent and share that experience with you for the sake of diabetes empowerment-right here through a series of short films.

I am so thankful and excited to have the support of so many wonderful people as LivingVertical turns the corner and begins moving past Project365 and really starts to grow!

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Adversity: the greatest teacher

Adversity: the greatest teacher

I’d been up devils tower before; twice. The first time in 2009 was a long day, but at that time, I was new to climbing and setting a tedious pace was to be expected. Just prior to Project 365 in 2011 I summitted the tower for a second time with a good friend during a casual morning of climbing. It was encouraging to see tangible progress in my climbing. But that was two years ago.

My first trip up Devils Tower in 2009.

My first trip up Devils Tower in 2009.

This past week I was shooting for my third time up, this time with Martin and Stefanie and nothing felt right. I was tired. My sugar was constantly dropping and I felt panic whispering in my ear. To make things worse, a lightning storm blew in out of nowhere. It was a culmination of all the scenarios that had individually lurked in the dark corners of my mind. We made a difficult decision to bail off and as the wind started to shriek and the lightning crackled in the ever-closing distance, I couldn’t help thinking about the fact that “a little lightning” could easily turn a fun afternoon into a body recovery mission.

No big deal--just "a little lightning"!

No big deal-just “a little lightning”!

Back on the ground I realized that we made the right decision. This was risk management. Anticipating and reacting. The fact that the wrong decision exists in conjunction with the right one makes for close calls, but the awareness and attention to detail will always separate the two.

Martin and I discussing route finding and various scenarios we could encounter--and ways to escape in emergencies.

Martin and I discussing route finding and various scenarios we could encounter-and ways to escape in emergencies.

But this was only the beginning of risk management for me. Martin and I agreed to take a rest day (a luxury after Project 365!) and during that time I decided to make some alterations to my insulin regimen to hopefully straighten out my lows that I had experienced earlier. They say you should never make changes on race day, but I was never a good runner-so I decided to try decreasing my basal insulin so that I would have “room” to take some fast acting insulin and smooth out post-mealtime highs.

After a rest day off, I was ready enough to try things out on the wall on our final day at Devils Tower. That night as I was trying to get to sleep though, I had a very fast moving hypo episode that came out of nowhere. I didn’t even feel it coming, which is unheard of for me-fortunately my CGM alerted me and I started pounding candy which allowed me to put the brakes on it. I had only taken a tiny amount of insulin to correct a high from earlier in the evening. I hadn’t experienced that sort of super rapid hypo in many many years-and the last time that had happened, I was able to look back and deconstruct the various things I had done wrong-and learn from it. This time though, I had no idea what I had done wrong.

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Not all the biggest challenges take place in the vertical world. In diabetes, risk management continues long after the ropes are coiled.

It was like my entire diabetes playbook had been thrown out the window. I was rendered a complete beginner, a victim of whatever diabetes decided to do to me. How had I let this happen? I was supposed to wake up the next morning and summit, and now…it seemed like the very idea of climbing was asking for trouble. Suddenly all of my rhetoric about being empowered turned to sand in my mouth. I was helpless, pinned down and a victim. Despair quickly followed the fear and I went to sleep hoping that I would wake up and it would all just be a dream.

Nope.

I woke up in the morning and I realized I had a decision to make. I realized that just like the fast moving lightning storm from earlier in the week, I had come close to another bad outcome, but I had acted and been able to change the result. I wasn’t a victim just because I had a bad low. I was tired and pissed off, but the reality was that I had been able to respond and deal with the challenges that had been thrown at me. I had been tested in big ways-ways that I had thought about and worried about for years, but never really experienced. Suddenly I felt strong. The challenge was still there, but I was able to face it because I knew I could do it. Better yet, I wasn’t alone-Martin was bringing his diabetes up Devils Tower too, and together we had a lot of resources to face challenges.

Martin and I negotiating the approach to our route, (Soler 5.9) via 4th class slabs on the southeast shoulder of Devils Tower

Martin and I negotiating the approach to our route, (Soler 5.9) via 4th class slabs on the southeast shoulder of Devils Tower

That morning when I met Martin and told him about the previous nights ordeal, he smiled and said “Right, well you have to expect that if you’re trying a new regimen, there will be some bumps along the way!”

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He was totally right-and I had not cut myself any slack or left room for that learning curve. So I skewed toward the high side that morning as Martin and I set out on our final summit attempt. My blood sugars were hovering right around 300 for much of the morning. Ordinarily I would be really unhappy with those readings but I felt good and I just kept drinking water and focusing on the climbing.

staying focused!

staying focused!

And the climbing…well that part was superb.

 

look closely...this is the beginning of the first pitch from the ground...zoomed in a bit.

look closely…this is the beginning of the first pitch from the ground…zoomed in a bit.

Not letting diabetes keep us down!

Not letting diabetes keep us down!

Martin and I moved quickly and efficiently. Knowing that Martin knew exactly what I was dealing with made me feel much more confident and willing to push myself. We had been tested together, as a team and come out of the ordeals stronger.

Beautiful pitches of cracks that go on and on...and on.

Beautiful pitches of cracks that go on and on…and on.

Martin at the belay.

Martin at the belay.

Martin climbing pitch 2, laying it back!

Martin climbing pitch 2, laying it back!

We summited shortly after noon on a harder route than we had tried the first day! We were the first recorded team of Type 1 climbers to summit Devils Tower together via this route (Soler)-to the best of our knowledge-and that of Google.

The final 4th class route to the summit.

The final 4th class route to the summit.

The solitary, nondescript summit of Devils Tower--under the boots of Team LivingVertical!

The solitary, nondescript summit of Devils Tower-under the boots of Team LivingVertical!

 

When we returned to the ground, the trip was basically over.

The summit is only halfway. To be fair, achieving the summit is optional. Getting back to the ground is not.

The summit is only halfway. To be fair, achieving the summit is optional. Getting back to the ground is not.

Our descent from slightly farther away...

Our descent from slightly farther away…

There were a lot of people who were excited to see and hear about our take on diabetes empowerment!

There were a lot of people who were excited to see and hear about our take on diabetes empowerment!

 

Tools for diabetes risk management.

Tools for diabetes risk management.

Time to go back home and get back to work. Website renovations, the documentary, training for Kilimanjaro, SweetestSummit camp all while figuring out how we are going to pay the bills-but this was another life changing, eye-opener. Sending summits as part of a T1D Team…there’s nothing like it. Sure, there is the individual accomplishment, but that pales in comparison to the bond of the rope and the partnership we can share in embracing challenge-in and out of the vertical world as people with diabetes!

Team LV 1-diabetes 0.

Team LV 1-diabetes 0.

Special thanks to Stefanie for taking the climbing photos for us while we were on the wall! Frank Sanders of Devils Tower lodge provided us with a free place to camp, and Hans and Lilo Fuhrer- Martins parents- provided us with post-climbing refreshment, entertainment, and stories of their decades in the mountains! We couldn’t have done it without you all-thank you!

 

Diabetes and climbing in…

Diabetes and climbing in…

One of the first things thoughts I had when I completed my 365th consecutive day of climbing, and Project365 was ‘what next?’ I actually had a great deal of anxiety in the weeks following, trying to figure out what I should do to build on what I had accomplished. In the next several months I will be revealing several ways that LivingVertical will grow-and what it has to offer the community.

But the most immediate news is that of my involvement with an expedition of 10 climbers, all of whom share the common bond of Type 1 Diabetes and the intent of summiting Mt Kilimanjaro together this September! This expedition itself is called, T1D Expedition-Going Beyond Together and is not a LivingVertical undertaking-it is actually sponsored by the World Diabetes Tour (WDT) in partnership with Sanofi-Aventis-but my decision to join this team was based on the fact that the mission of this climb is diabetes empowerment: showing a positive view of life with diabetes and that we can take our diabetes anywhere we choose!


Kilimanjaro_3D_-_version_1

As with Project 365 I will be keeping a rigorous account of all of the ups and downs leading to the summit-with the goal of producing another film to share about the experience-and I invite you all to stay tuned and follow the next LivingVertical endeavor: ProjectKili (if you are a twitterer/instagrammer, look for #projectKili)

Tanzania_relief_location_map.svg

The summit is only halfway. Climbing a mountain, or a boulder-that is purely arbitrary. Why we do it, what we see from the top and what we return to share with others-that is the destination. We have been so blessed with support, love and encouragement from so many of you…that is the takeaway point of all of this-I will have lots of chances to blog about my training for altitude, international travel and expedition style climbing-all of which are foreign to me; but I know that I have the support of some amazing people and that is what put me in a position to take this next step.

Let’s go, together.

ex post facto: lest we forget the obvious, The statements and opinions expressed on this site are those of LivingVertical and do not represent those of Sanofi Aventis (or any other company)

 

Outrage

Outrage

I see a lot of outrage regarding the way that the public percieves diabetes, most recently due to the article that Bill Cosby wrote for the NY Times. Sometimes I feel like I am missing the outrage gene, because it takes a lot for me to get up in arms. Hint: if you do manage to really provoke my ire to that point, then be prepared for four-horsemen-of-the-apocalypse-level fury. But my focus in writing this is that I see two conflicting issues that consistently draw “outrage” from the diabetes community.

1) People asking questions about diabetes: If I had a nickel for every time I saw some meme on my social media feeds, or ranting status update about “how pissed so-and-so was” that they got questioned about why they take injections or have to test their blood sugar or why they choose to avoid certain foods, I’d have enough money to pay Bill Cosby to write this post for me.

People are curious and want to understand what makes us different-and why we have to do things differently than they do in order to manage our condition. What’s the big deal? Why is that a bad thing that we must find so insufferable? I can’t tell you how many times someone’s “stupid question” has led to an interesting discussion and teachable moment to educate them about diabetes. Some of these moments have led to friendships and people who have supported Project365 because they appreciated the idea of informing others who might have questions.

The closest I am going to get to being outraged in this post is over the fact that people who don’t have diabetes feel bad or awkward about asking questions because they are programmed to think that it’s offensive to question something that doesn’t make sense to them.

2) People making ignorant statements about diabetes: See point 1, above. If people aren’t informed about diabetes, then how are they supposed to have accurate information about its nuances and nomenclature?

And speaking of nomenclature (which is the spark that ignited the outrage against Cosby) what happened to that petition that was going around to change the name of type 1 diabetes to something else? I remember a lot people kind of kicking that idea under the bus but turning around now and being outraged over the misinformation that Cosby displayed in his referencing an increase type 2 diabetes in kids as “juvenile diabetes”.

Personally I thought the point that Cosby was making was fairly clear-poor diet is related to an increase of type 2 diabetes in kids-not saying it’s a direct cause, but that 32oz Mountain Dew with a happy meal three times a week certainly isn’t reducing the risk factors, is it? Juvenile diabetes was synonymous with T1 diabetes back in the day that the nomenclature was agreed upon. Years ago, any juvenile (child) who presented with symptoms of diabetes was by default, T1. It doesn’t take a PhD from Harvard Medical School to see that across the intervening decades, the diet, eating habits and lifestyle of our society has changed in ways that resulted in both T1 and T2 diabetes occurring in juveniles-which is a new thing.

Clear as mud, right?!

So why is it that we have to lash out at people who don’t have a clear grasp of the nuances of diabetes when they are stating an opinion-not giving medical advice. Granted, Cosby played a doctor on TV but that was a while ago.

Quick! Tell me the differences between Hepatitis A, B and C!

Time’s up! Wait you dont know? Well obviously…if you don’t live with a condition you’re going to have some misunderstandings and that ignorance is something we all share on some level, about some things. It’s not a big deal. It’s not a cause for outrage. A simple, kind explanation would go a long way and open a path for more effective discussions and dialogue.

And yeah, we can’t expect people to get it right 100% of the time when they talk about diabetes. When I see Bear Grylls leading a 5.4 climbing route in a commercial, with three top ropes tied to him, holds breaking and unnecessarily dynamic movements-to sell anti-perspirant to twenty-something males, sure I roll my eyes, but I’m probably not going to take to the streets with torches and pitchforks over the matter.

Jeffrey Lash: Catching air, crushing diabetes!

Jeffrey Lash: Catching air, crushing diabetes!

I want to thank Jeffrey for sharing yet another trip report and his photos with all of us. I met Jeffrey through our Facebook Page where I learned that he has reconnected to climbing at age 32 after a diagnosis with type 1 diabetes this past fall (Black Friday 2012). I was immediately inspired when he shared his story with me and how his approach to management and adjustment was all about teamwork, positivity and determination to find a way to get after it. I am excited to be able to share this guest post and content from others like us who are living powerfully with diabetes in the vertical world. (Steve)

Jeffrey Lash

“We’re going camping!” I reminded Jenny about every 20 minutes on our four-hour ride. We rarely get a chance to vacation, but after seemingly endless months of grad school, Jenny finally had a well-deserved week off. Our trips never stray too far from the Mid-Atlantic vicinity; family and friends stretch between Norfolk and New York City. However on this vacation we headed to the mountains. Destination: Seneca Rocks, WV.

Seneca Rocks is where I began climbing in 1994 as an awkward high school freshman. My father felt it might be nice to try an outdoorsy, non-team related activity. He enrolled us in an intro to climbing class at Seneca, and we were hooked. My dad, brother, and I would climb every weekend we could for the next four years. Unfortunately, as I moved out, started working, and went to college, the climbing tapered off. The last time I’d been to Seneca was probably fifteen years ago. I was beyond excited to relive those memories and share them with Jennifer; this was already shaping up to be a very special trip.

As a grad student Jenny gets out to climb maybe once every couple months. She’s competent at top roping moderates, but she’s never climbed anything more than 60 or 70 feet. I wanted her to have some multi-pitch experience beforehand, so the week prior we drove out to Harpers Ferry and climbed a few two-pitch routes on Maryland Heights. She seemed quite at ease belaying from ledges and rappelling, so I felt pretty confident having her follow some 5.easies at Seneca.

My goals for the trip were twofold. Firstly, I wanted to lead Jenny to the South Peak summit. My dad and I climbed to the summit in ’94, but we’ve never made it back since. Secondly, I wanted to see if the climbing school still had the summit register from 1994.

I can’t remember if we had even signed it back then, but if we did, Dad would be thrilled to see a picture of our entry. As the trip approached the forecast looked grim. I took that Thursday and Friday off work, but the weather seemed to disapprove. Friday called for thunderstorms and high winds, but that wasn’t going to stop us. I had some backup plans in mind if we were completely washed out.

Day One Hike

Seneca Rocks WV

Thursday morning we set out on our journey and made it to Seneca by late afternoon. Even the drive was nostalgic for me. I could recognize some of the turns and barns and farms along the way. Upon arriving we setup camp, packed a small bag, and hiked up to visit Seneca’s North Peak. The switchback trail is a mile and a half and rises a thousand feet above the town. We scrambled along the top, tried to pick out our tent in the distance, and snacked. I showed Jenny where I first climbed and some of the routes like Streptococcus, a steep 5.9* I don’t think I ever made it up. The sun was hanging low in the sky so we hiked back down. Each time we faced the rocks I quizzed Jenny on the different faces and features. As we neared the end of the trail a shirtless runner passed us on his way up the mountain. Jenny and I snickered and scoffed at his blatant athleticism. We returned to camp and made some dinner and settled in for the night. We had the entire campgrounds to ourselves. It was a nice change from the city; we could look up and see so many more stars.

Friday morning was rough. During the restless night I remembered how much trouble I had sleeping in tents. Jenny and I made coffee and ate breakfast. Since we would be facing poor weather later, I only wanted to get one climb in for the day. I didn’t want to get all caught up in a downpour, so I chose a single pitch route at the South End of Seneca, Candy Corner, a 5.6*. We made the short hike in and crossed paths with another few other climbers on Totem. Totem is where Dad and I were first taught how to lead climb and place protection. I started up Candy Corner and it was fantastic. A couple spots gave me some pause, but I was able to figure out the moves. The climb follows a narrow dihedral and the end of a Skyline Buttress. The first section is a ramp but quickly rises to vertical with a couple bulges. I’m a decent 5.9 climber but that was a tricky for a 5.6. I must not have remembered the grades at Seneca are a bit stiff. Jenny followed up to the belay ledge without any trouble at all. I was impressed and so proud of her. We looked across the road to the Souther Pillar and another party climbing Roy Gap Chimneys. Jenny and I rapped off, packed up, snooped around Seneca’s “cave”, and then hiked out.

Senecas Cave

I decided to stop by the climbing school to ask about the register, and I was met by a familiar looking trail runner, haha. After introductions Rob said I should check back tomorrow and ask for Diane. He asked if we were climbing today. I mentioned we did Candy Corner, just one and done. “Oh, we were on Roy Gap Chimneys watching you!” he exclaimed. We chatted a bit more before Jenny and I headed back to our tent for the impending storm. The rain beat down on us for a good two hours, and the wind was trying its hardest to sweep away our tarp. We survived. After the storm passed a few other campers arrived and pitched tents.

Saturday morning started much like Friday morning: I was again exhausted from lack of sleep. My initial plan for the day was to lead Jenny up Skyline Traverse, then take Conn’s West to the summit, but with the wind still whipping through the valley I didn’t think Jenny would have too much fun hundreds of feet in the air trying to climb without being blown off the rock. So we decided to head to the Lower Slabs for some top rope fun. Before we hiked in, I stopped by the climbing school again and met Diane. We flipped through maybe a dozen registers she had on hand but could only find entries as far back as 1995. So close! I was mildly disappointed, but at the same time I wasn’t even sure if we signed it in the first place, oh well. We still had a chance to achieve our first goal. So back up the North Peak trail we went. I couldn’t remember ever climbing the Lower Slabs before, so this felt new and exciting. We dropped an anchor on Scuttle, a 5.7* crack. The crux is getting off the ground and onto a narrow ledge 10 feet up. The rest of the crack is pleasant with an off-width section near the top. We both send it without issue. I pulled the rope and decided to lead it just for good measure. Jenny cleans the route, but the start gave her much more trouble on the second go. That happens to us often. We broke down Scuttle and moved up the hill to Discrepancy, a 5.8* crack with a superb finger lock. This was a great route, very challenging but doable for us. Jenny had to sit at a couple spots to figure out the sequence but she muscled through it and reached to the top. From the same anchors I wanted to try The Warlock, a 5.9+* face just to the left of Discrepancy. This was a tough route. Very thin and blank at the bottom, but a little more forgiving as you trend up and right towards Discrepancy. I had to sit on it twice to work out the crux. I’d love to return and ‘send it clean, something to look forward to. After The Warlock I wanted to cool down and lead another 5.easy. At the other end of the slabs was Wap Suck #4, a 5.4 “vegetated corner with dead tree”. As the name implies, it sucked. A pretty unremarkable climb, only to be punctuated by an even worse descent. Once at the top we had to traverse back across the slabs to a hardly visible rappel tree. We bushwhacked through thickets, over rotting trees, on top of loose rock and moss. Jenny was probably more gripped than she let on. We reached the rappel and made it down safely to our packs vowing never to return to that debacle. We hiked out and drove back to our tent to find the campground bustling.

Jeffrey climbing “The Warlock” 5.9+

Saturday was our last night camping; we had one more day to make it up the South Peak. I’ll admit, I was a bit nervous. Since my climbing hiatus, I’ve only been at it for a year and a half. I still feel like I’m learning and relearning new things with each trip. When it comes to climbing I tend to be a bit pragmatic, cautious, and realistic. I’ll top-rope just about anything, but I only like leading routes I know for sure are well within my abilities. Especially when visiting new areas or crags, I feel much more at ease with someone who’s been there before and ‘knows the ropes’. Furthermore, I’ve only been climbing with diabetes for four months. I haven’t climbed anything more than two pitches or needed to bring up my meter with me for any extended time. Thinking about taking care of all that mess, dialing in my insulin doses, climbing with a pack, and what snacks to pack just consumed my brain. I felt like I was dragging the love of my life into uncharted territory. I stayed up with the flashlight reading and re-reading the guidebook, studying the route descriptions and descents until I couldn’t keep my eyes open any longer.

Sunday morning was a little easier to wake up. Jenny and I had coffee and oatmeal again. Since we had to drive home that evening I felt we should skip Skyline Traverse and just hike up the ‘Stair Master’ right to the West Face. In preparation for a long day of climbing, the night before I took only half of my daily insulin. And in preparation for Stair Master I halved my mealtime insulin with breakfast as well. Jenny and I racked up and started in. We passed a bunch of other climbers at the parking area taking their time. We made it up the road, across the stream, and began the arduous Stair Master. As we passed the Ecstasy Buttress we noticed a climber hanging out way up at the first belay ledge. We continued on. To reach Conn’s West you must climb the first pitch of Old Man’s Route, a long traversing 5.3*. Jenny and I arrived at Old Man’s to find a father and son following their climbing instructor to the summit. I chatted with the father for a minute as his boy, age 11, was doggy paddling up the blocky ledges. I told him about my dad and I, it was quite nice. In the mean time Jenny was a little more concerned with staying warm while waiting for the sun to heat up the West Face. As we waited, all my fears and apprehension from the night before vanished. The climbing didn’t look that steep. It didn’t look that high. Didn’t even look that hard! I mean, if this eleven year old could do it…. As the father moved off the first belay ledge it was our turn to climb. We tied in, changed shoes and were off. The first pitch of Old Man’s was pretty straight-forward, easy, ledgy, fun. I belayed Jenny up without issue. From here we were at the bottom of two corners, one on to the left was an off-width/chimney flake/corner and to the right was a crack corner with two trees. Both lead right up to our next belay ledge.

So Conn’s West is a 5.4* and the book describes it as being to the right of a 5.9 off-width corner, Clarke’s Climb. Both these corners looked like fun and doable so I set off past the two trees. The route was decent enough, but about half way up the stances for placing gear were getting a bit awkward. At the next piece my arms were starting to feel it. Then at the next I needed to rest and shake out. I sunk a Metolius #4 cam into a solid diagonal crack on the right side of the corner, called down to Jenny to “Take”, and had a seat. At this point I was thinking this may not be the 5.4 after all. Jenny asked how it was going and I said, “It’s tricky for sure, but the belay is just right up there.” Maybe 6 or 7 feet above me was a little platform then another 8 or 9 feet was the belay ledge. After my arms relinquish I started moving again. Trying to layback the corner wasn’t all that positive but I finally got a right hand up to that 2 by 2 foot platform. My left arm was elbow deep behind a flake in the crack, I smeared my right foot to get a right elbow over the edge, as my left foot slipped. I caught myself but at this point my shoulders were hunched onto this little platform and I couldn’t see my feet. I saw a sharp little horn in the back corner and wrapped my right fingers around it, only for a split sec “Falling!”

Boom, done, over. Before I could even finish “ing!” I was hanging from the end of the rope, fifteen feet below a just moment ago. I looked up. There’s the #4 still in that crack. I looked down. Jenny asked if I was alright. “Yeah. just gimme a minute.” It was a clean fall, I didn’t get flipped, nor did I swing into the rock. I hung there for a moment collecting my thoughts. Well, there’s a first time for everything. I pulled myself back up to the piece using the rope, swapped out the draw for a biner and had Jenny lower me back to the belay ledge. I was completely gripped and my arms were super pumped. I was not about to try that again. Even if I could make it, Jenny would even have more trouble getting through all that mess. I was so shaky I felt like my blood sugar was in the basement. Jenny retrieved my kit and I checked my glucose. 156. I guess good old adrenaline was the culprit. I tethered into the anchor, struggled to untie my eight, pulled the rope out of the cam above, and then tied back in. I told Jenny I was about ready to just rap off and head home. “Really?” she asked. I could hear the surprise and disappointment in her voice. “Lemme look around the corner.” I went back on belay and traversed 10 feet to our left, to the off-width/chimney flake/corner. Right as I got there a helmet popped up at my feet. “Hey there” I said. “I saw you take that whipper” he replied, “You get your piece out?” “No, its still up there for someone more deserving,” I joked. “Ah, don’t be so hard on yourself” We chatted for a minute, Matt confirmed they were on Conn’s West and we were on some 5.7, the name of which he couldn’t recall. Jenny and I waited for Matt and Skip to climb through and we queued up behind them. This pitch was clearly easier, although climbing the chimney with a pack was still quite cumbersome. At the belay, I was going to lower off to retrieve my cam but there was already another party below us and I didn’t want to hold anyone else up. Jenny followed the chimney pitch like a champ. The last pitch was Conn’s West Direct Finish, a 5.5 south facing corner, and the first bit of sunshine we felt all day. A couple spots gave me hesitation but it was a nice climb. Jenny enjoyed the interesting cracks and features. As we reached the last belay,Matt and Skip were all ready to rappel down. Matt said if he were able to ‘King Swing’ over he’d grab my cam for me. I told him I appreciated the gesture but I’d snag it on the way down.

Jenny and Jeffrey on the summit-enjoying the win!

Jenny and I scrambled the last little bits to the summit. It was all of 5.0/5.1 caliber, but I stayed roped up and on belay to keep Jenny at ease. We had the South Peak to ourselves for a bit. We ate a snack, took in the view, snapped some photos, and signed a new entry into the summit register. It was almost 4:30 and I was ready to get going. A few others reached the summit as we departed. We scrambled back to the rappel station and began our decent, three rappels to solid ground. A party below us relayed up that my cam was below waiting for me. At the last station I was happy to see that #4 hanging from the chains.

Insulin and blood glucose meter are only some of the tools we rely on to survive in the mountains. This shiny little marvel of engineering caught Jeffrey’s fall!

Jenny and I reached the bottom, changed shoes and made our way back to the Stair Master. The way down took quite a toll on my knees, but we made it out. Driving back to our campsite we passed a car parked by the restrooms. There was Skip sitting in the passenger seat. I pulled over and the four of us talked for a while. Matt told me how much difficulty Ecstasy, another 5.7, gave him that morning. I mentioned how we saw Skip up there as we hiked in. I thanked them again for retrieving my gear and offered to buy them a round. They declined because of the long drive ahead of them. Jenny vowed to pay it forward. We went on to break down camp, pack the car, and grab a bite to eat at the Front Porch Restaurant. I took another look at the guidebook and there it was, Conn’s West Corner Start, a 5.7 dihedral with two small trees near the base. Not sure how I missed reading that the night before, but oh well. It definitely made the trip a bit more interesting. Jenny and I finished dinner as the sun set. We hopped in the car and headed home thoroughly exhausted.

Boom. This picture says it all-diabetes empowerment and a wonderful climbing experience-what a great message to leave in the summit register.

I’ll admit, my eyes welled up as we drove off. I was just so incredibly happy to share such a fun, exciting, and challenging experience with my love, Jennifer. And to give her a first hand tour to some of my fondest childhood memories. I was so proud and thankful for her patience and positivity. From battling the camp stove, to a torrential downpour, from treacherous bushwhacking, to catching my fall, Jennifer was by my side, encouraging me every step of the way. Without her, that trip would have been a miserable disaster. Thank you, dear, for such an amazing time.

What originates on a farm but doesn’t smell like one? (my shirt, for one)

What originates on a farm but doesn’t smell like one? (my shirt, for one)

About two days ago, summer arrived in Zion. It had been spring for the allotted week or so that usually falls just between the damp and clammy chills of winter and the scorching summer heat. As it turns out, this transitional time is a pretty opportune chance to put to the test a new piece of clothing! Ibex Wool offered me a shirt and told me to do my worst to it-just to see how it performed (you can see their new, fully interactive e-catalog here).

I have never been one to turn down a good opportunity, and I have always been a huge fan of wool. A few weeks back it was typical “wool weather”- a bit chilly and blustery-but this shirt has really come into its own as the springtime transition occurred and the searing heat arrived. You might think that this would be the time to put wool away for the winter, in favor of lighter, cooler fabrics. Well, you’d be wrong!

During Project 365 I spent a lot of time paring my clothing down to the bare essentials in order to travel light, so I like to think that I know somewhat about minimalism-and I like to avoid taking time away from my climbing and video editing to do laundry (to say nothing about the environmental issues surrounding water usage in the desert). So, having a shirt that I have been able to wear for over two weeks without washing is a good and useful thing. Now, before you recoil in horror, wondering how I can live with myself with such a skewed set of priorities, let me assure you that this shirt smells as good as the day I took it out of the package.

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Not that smelling good is always the biggest priority when you are climbing hard or hiking, but it certainly doesn’t hurt when you factor in the following other obvious benefits of the Ibex wool line:

  • wicks moisture
  • fast drying
  • organic/biodegradable
  • SUPER durable
  • keeps you cool in the heat

It’s not itchy (a classic wool stereotype) and actually feels super soft and smooth. It’s also not stiflingly hot because it breathes remarkably well while still blocking the suns heat (I won’t pretend to understand how or why this occurs, but I am happy that it works-oh-it’s also burly enough to stand up to all the abuse of climbing (and helping Rob of Zion Jeeps with some of the heavy lifting and engine work). Thin enough to stay cool, tough enough to stay together.

These shirts aren’t cheap to buy-as is the case with most things that are well made. And that may not be a bad thing if you think about it-I can’t necessarily afford to have the biggest and most beautiful car or house-but I figure that if I can have high quality essentials that really affect my ability to climb and take my diabetes adventuring, then I can still have luxury where I depend on it most. Plus…you can sell all your other t-shirts on ebay once you have a couple of these-they’re that good.

*I didn’t get any money to write this review and I wasn’t coerced into sharing my opinion or altering it. I got a shirt and was told to try it out and see what I thought. Wool is where it’s at, and Ibex makes tough stuff. That’s what I thought. Just sayin’. Now I plan to keep wearing this shirt for another several weeks, just to make sure I wasn’t being premature in my assertions here-so you might want to follow us on Facebook and Twitter just to make sure you catch all the diabetes desert fun (read:suffering) as it unfolds!

 

Nothing fancy, just diabetes on a friday night.

Nothing fancy, just diabetes on a friday night.

It’s Friday night and everyone in town is out at Karaoke. Springdale UT is a small town, and most everyone in town knows me as the stick in the mud that can’t be convinced to go out and party. I’m not really worried about being seen as a curmudgeon right now though-I am staring at my Dexcom which has been showing a downward arrow for the last half hour.

110.

98.

87.

74.

We are still southbound and this pain train doesn’t want to slow down. After 14 years I have seen some low numbers. But the feeling of rapidly falling blood glucose levels is unmistakeable. It’s comparable to that feeling you get a split second after you see the cop and realize that you were driving 20 over the limit. Impending doom-only worse because you’re not thinking about money, you’re thinking about the fact that all your friends are out getting s—t-faced and they might come back to find you unconscious. Or worse.

My blood sugar is plummeting and I only took two units of insulin. I wasn’t super active and I didn’t forget to eat. I’m grilling myself trying to think what I did wrong. What did I do to make this happen. I am supposed to be a role model. I should be able to do better.

I begin to think about what I have heard or what I have told people in the past. I try to maintain my grip on panic and avoid gorging. I am determined to take it down to the wire and correct perfectly. I have eaten some “correction carbs” and now I just have to wait for them to hit my bloodstream so my sugar will start to rise. This waiting period is the great divide, the dark before the dawn, the leap of faith. You have eaten what you know you need to correct, but those minutes before it hits your bloodstream and makes you “feel” it-those are the hardest moments for me in relation to my diabetes.

What if I didn’t eat enough? What if my sugar doesn’t come up? What if I’m falling too fast? What if I go unconscious? There are several minutes during the mental grappling match that ensues while you wait-during which you are forced to confront the realization that if you don’t treat this low correctly, you could die. There is the ultimate realization that for all the support that exists in the diabetes community, or from my friends or spouse- I face this battle entirely alone in this moment.

It seems like hours, but the clock on my phone confirms about 10 minutes have passed by the time I begin to feel the “crash” subsiding. I am starting to emerge on the other side of this low, and sharing my experience on Instagram makes me feel better, makes me feel more connected. Knowing that other people are out there with me going through the same thing makes me feel stronger and more confident. I passed through the test, and I am reconnected with the world.

I feel like I have been reborn. I am not a victim of diabetes, and I do not suffer from it. I have just climbed a horrendous runout, and taken the whip. I have faced the fear, and while it felt awful in the moment, confronting that risk has given me more skills to overcome that fear on my next attempt. Diabetes is my training ground for the mountains. It is a privilege to struggle, not a burden.

Many people don’t see the connection between climbing and diabetes. Both are misunderstood. Both are constant risk management. Both have physical and mental implications based on the effectiveness of said risk management. Both force you to confront fear and manage it in moments of serious crisis. Both involve stacking the odds in your favor by leveraging constants against variables.

Hmmm…come to think of it, they don’t have that much in common…

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