The hitch is on and the car is mostly loaded. It’s packed full of enough climbing gear to assault El Capitan and enough media equipment to make a movie about the effort. Clothing has been pared down to one small tupperware apiece and I even manage to narrow down my library selections to the bleeding necessities because my love for paper books does not make them travel lighter. The Yakima roof box is been patched up with silicone sealant and loaded with outdoor gear. All that’s left are some housewares that are currently in use and my computer. Also my insulin, test strips and remaining sensors will be among the last items to be packed away. I’m ready to go home.
I start the weekend off with broken glasses–hopefully not a portent of trials to come–thanks to a rambunctious tot who decides it will be a good idea to stress-test my spectacles while I’m only starting to wake. Combine this with a upper respiratory infection, a pounding headache and rising blood sugars and it begins to feel like a proper train wreck. I have blogs to publish and I need to be shooting video of this process. Also I need to tape my melon to keep my brains from falling out of my ears as I make multiple trips back and forth to the car in the cold and rain.
It doesn’t matter. Somewhere deep inside a survival instinct kicks in–not in a grand sense but in the ‘f— that other stuff– here’s what actually needs to happen’ sort of way. It’s uncomfortable feeling weakness but it’s useful having that blade to separate out the vitally important from the fluff. Not everything that is uncomfortable is undesirable.
Attachment to comfort is arbitrary. Take that variable out of the equation and look at the expanded possibilities. If I had fat stacks of cash I’d feel more comfortable heading out on this adventure but there’s nothing that I can’t currently work towards without relying on that feeling. You have everything you need to try.
If I had a nickel for every time I’ve said that the fear of diabetes is much more limiting than diabetes, I’d have a lot of nickels. I’ve failed a few times in my life but I’ve failed to try many more times–usually out of fear. There is a difference and it does matter. Having control doesn’t mean always getting the result you want–it means that even if you fail, at least you’re doing that on your own terms.
That’s the hope and the cure that I’m excited about–the cure for fear that stops us from trying. That’s the picture I’m going to paint with anyone interested in helping. It’ll probably be a mural so if you’re tired of the stale narrative of waiting in fear–you’re welcome join in the revolution.
Our first meetup will be March 4-6 in Joshua Tree National Park CA. No cost, no frills. Just action…maybe just a few tasteful hashtags though. RSVP via email: firstname.lastname@example.org
Support LivingVertical by purchasing one of my photographs:
If you have questions or comments about any of this–leave them below! If you want to see how all of this plays out, make sure you subscribe to our YouTube channel–we’ll see you out there on the road!