I’m not great at the holiday postings. Maybe it’s because I’m a bit of a curmudgeon and don’t really “do” holidays. I don’t do new years resolutions in particular. But this is a new year and I am looking forward at what could be in store. I have been told that I have “a lot on my plate” and that certainly is the truth. This is going to be a critical year for LivingVertical as more unknowns are on the horizon. My goal and my greatest challenge is following my heart, because it invariably leads me beyond the point that my eyes can see.
I feel like I wind up saying these kinds of things a lot–basically that I am closing in on a crunch, and then somehow, things come together, usually in a way that I couldn’t predict, and suddenly we are off and running on another adventure. So I write this fully prepared to accept blame for my worrying and lack of faith when things really start clicking together. I do expect things to pick up–part of the “process” for me always starts with accepting the possibility of failure, dealing with it and just deciding to go for it because there is no other option.
I see the pieces to the puzzle and they are all there. Team LivingVertical is growing. Everyone on the team has a lot of passion, experience and talent to offer. The Project365 Documentary is complete. The Kilimanjaro video is complete. So now what? I am trying to figure out how to put these pieces together to keep moving forward because there is a lot left to climb and share with the world–and my world is about to look a lot different as I take on the biggest project yet: parenthood. This means less room to fail. Less flexibility, less freedom and much bigger stakes.
There is part of me that looks at what I am doing with my life and says ‘well, if you’ve put two full years into this and it’s still sputtering and struggling to get off the ground, maybe it’s run its course.’ Then there’s part of me the looks at it and says ‘on the other hand, if it’s still sputtering then maybe it’s just one little boost away from really getting off the ground.’ These “warring factions” have been going back and forth in my head since the inception of Project365 so this is nothing new–but now with higher stakes the conversation has taken a new turn.
At times I feel like I am outside myself looking in on the possibilities of the future with morbid curiosity, wondering what will happen if I just let things run their course. I feel like Captain Ahab in rabid pursuit of the “white whale” and despite the possibility of a catastrophic ending, I am committed to going “over the falls” if that’s what it takes to know the outcome. Knowing the pieces are all there means that I have to at least see if I can learn how to make them all fit.
So…for 2014 I will be getting the documentary out there, while trying to pay rent and planning another big, outlandish climbing project to one of the most spectacular alpine ranges I have had the privilege of visiting. As I sort out those details, I will be training and Team LivingVertical will be preparing for this new group challenge as we seek out the hard way, and then go for it.
Long story short, if I were going to make a new years resolution it would be to opt for more hoping, fretting and looking for what hasn’t been done yet–then doing it. Who knows–it’s crazy enough, it might just work!