The morning we left Flagstaff AZ it was snowing. We headed south to find some warmer climes (climbs) in the Phoenix area. What we found was an amazing selection of good (read: free) camping, good climbing and beautiful weather. We headed up into the Superstition Mountains to enjoy our first of two non-consecutive days of good weather, climbing and exploring Queen Creek Canyon.
The last week has really been a struggle for me. Today marks 32 days climbing without a rest day–but oddly, the climbing is going really well. I am psyched, feeling stronger than ever mentally and physically. My sugar however, has been a very different affair. I have been 50-100 points high at least once a day, sometimes more. I know that I am not pegged out at the high end of the spectrum constantly. Something I am doing is clearly working, but then again, something(s) I am doing is definitely NOT.
It’s super-frustrating to be trying harder than ever and more accountable than ever with this project and to be flailing worse than ever. It might be some sort of cosmic irony since I have always been so smug about my Blood Glucose being under such good control…or it might be my Lantus has gone off. It has caused me to slip into a bit of a depressive haze. I frequently feel like I am in no position to be in the public eye when I can’t even keep my own sugar under control. In climbing terms, its like that feeling where you back off a climb that you KNOW you could do–but it’s just a bit too poorly protected and that feeling of defeat just lingers and gnaws at you in the small hours of the night.
So rather than pretend that its all a big cakewalk, I have to deal with things–which means putting it out there, and letting it dissipate. I know that a lot of people have a romanticized image of what we are doing–and fairly enough, since you see snippets of days and photos that are structured around capturing the “summit” moments. I have been thinking recently that maybe I should be doing more to document the struggle of this project, so that you could accurately see the entire picture–the price of the nice sunsets and the triumphant sends. But then again, is that what I want to focus on? Is it better to exclude the negative to inspire–or should I simply present the unadorned truth and let the nuggets of gold shine through the buckets of gravel that you would have to search to find them…Life, Diabetes and Climbing are all about balance.
So in the midst of struggling with my sugar, I reaffirmed that I simply have to try harder to win the battle in my mind. There is always room for improvement and more effort. If I have the opportunity to do better then I will take it. I will not do the bare minimum because I am afraid of backfiring low blood sugars. In the words of Dylan Thomas, “rage, rage against the dying of the light”. I can’t let this time pass me by without giving everything. Because without that, what is the point?
So yesterday, day 31, we logged 950′, I redpointed my hardest climb to date at 5.10c and while we are back in San Diego for a bit to edit/process/write/seek sponsorship/help with filming/additional gear etc, I am prioritizing some new projects that will continue to push me to (and hopefully beyond) my limit. Aside from projecting, we will be posting pictures and video from Red Rock NV, and Queen Creek Cyn AZ as we move forward!