Today is Thanksgiving Day, so I suppose I should have a superb blog that is a succinct expression of gratitude and the wonders of being alive.
This one is going to be more of a scatter-gun scenario! See everything in my life is ass backwards. I take insulin because my pancreas went to occupy Wall Street and wound up getting maimed in some pepper-spraying incident. I live out of my car to stay sane and my idea of a fun vacation is living in the dirt, pooping in a hole and scaring the fecal matter out of myself by dangling hundreds of feet off the deck. My best assets are all the things that make my life a living hell and I am one of the few people in the world who enjoys spending time with their in-laws. That’ts just how I roll.
At a times when you are supposed to get together to celebrate family, I usually wind up checking facebook to see what my immediate family are up to. My family has never been really close–its not like we don’t love each other, but we just aren’t really involved in each others lives outside of weddings and funerals. We all want that to change but somehow, well, life gets in the way.
Its always a bittersweet experience being part of my in-laws celebrations because I wish that my family could get together around the holidays too. With both of my grandparents passing away within several months of each other this year, there is literally no nucleus to centralize the family. Its my first holiday without either of them and it just feels kind of empty. Kind of cold.
Sitting around the rollicking table today I struggled with mixed emotions. I wanted to just put it out of my mind and enjoy the amazing food. I’m bad at hiding my emotions and I felt like it might sort of all boil over. Definitely didn’t want that to happen.
After some introspection I found the solution to my dilemma. Acceptance.
My family functions the way that it does. My grandparents are gone and all I can take with me is the memories. Things end, things begin. Being too attached to the past causes you to miss the present and upcoming future. Yep. Just like living with diabetes. I could cry in my beer and eat my cupcakes and get pissed that my sugar is higher than the national debt–but that’s doing no one any favors.
At the end of the day, I’m glad I chose to focus on what I have–rather than what I’ve lost. It can be hard accepting the fact that others have accepted you–I have a wonderful family whose support has changed my life and changed the way I look at myself. I used to call them in-laws. Now they’re just family to me. It’s not like this all happened in one crystalline moment–life is a series of realizations and today was one of many–it just feels like it needs to be said.
So yeah. That’s what I’m thankful for today.